Lawns Are Stupid

Lawns are stupid. Sure, they can look nice. But do they justify the immense investment of time and money we put into them? I don’t think so.

And, of course, there is the environmental harm they cause. All that fertilizer runoff contaminating our waterways. And all those pesticides, fungicides and probably some other cides I don’t even know about it.

And what about all that water? We live in a semi-arid climate. Our lawns are heavily dependent upon irrigation. But to have the water to irrigate, we have to transport water from the western slope (the other side of the Rockies) to our side, necessitating a huge investment in pipelines, canals and reservoirs. That’s why snowpack is such a big deal out here. We love snow — on the western side, that is. The skiers think we’re concerned about them. But there are bigger stakes: our LAWNS!

Have you been to Palm Springs, California. It’s in the middle of a desert for heaven’s sake, yet sprinklers run day and night to create a thoroughly non-desert look. What could be more insane? If you don’t like cacti and sand, if you’re so in love with the color green, why are you living in a desert?

To this date I regret not having installed xeriscaping at our new home. I felt the pressure of time and dust. Neighbors were understandably eager for us to convert our dirt lot into something that wouldn’t blow into their house when the infamous Colorado winds kicked up. Oh, well: an opportunity blown.

And so I fertilize and mow. And fertilize and mow some more. And irrigate. And pay high water bills. And irrigate some more.

Some days I feel really stupid.

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