Marrying the Right Person

I don’t know if you’ll marry anyone, Vera. But if you do, think about it.

One of the keys to a happy life is avoiding big mistakes. Marrying the wrong person can be one of the biggest mistakes you could possibly make. So, naturally, try not to get it wrong.

I was lucky. I stumbled into a great marriage. Well, perhaps it wasn’t entirely a stumble. I wasn’t nearly as smart when I was 16 (when I started dating your grandmother) as I thought I was — or at 21 when I married your grandmother — but I was smart enough to marry up. That’s my first suggestion: marry up.

Your grandmother was and is smarter than me. And a better person in almost — no, in every — respect. That’s what I mean by marrying up.

Your great grandmother probably also would tell you to marry into a good family. I used to scoff as such advice, but, frankly, experience has proved my mother right more often than not. You’ll be marrying not only a spouse but marrying into a family. Never underestimate the power of genetics. Or engrained familial dysfunctionality. In short, be sure the family passes muster.

That’s about all I could come up with, so now I’m turning to two guys from the investment world who are two of the wisest people I’ve encountered (by reading and listening, not personally): Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger. Here is some of what they’ve said about the keys to a good marriage:

“If you really want a marriage that will last, look for someone with low expectations.”

“Make sure your spouse has the same thoughts on the same big things.” I’m not totally sold on this one, mainly because James Carville (ardent Democrat) and Mary Matalin (Republican operative turned Libertarian) seem so happy together. But it’s probably best to err on the side of caution. I have to admit, I don’t think I could live with anyone who thought Donald Trump was a decent human being or remotely fit to be president. Or who thought Roberto Clemente wasn’t God’s gift to Pittsburgh (hell, to all of humanity) and one of the greatest ballplayers to ever play the game.

“Don’t marry someone to change them.” I’ve seen people try to change their spouses over the years. I can’t recall it ever working out well.

“Don’t keep score.” (Thank goodness your grandmother heeded this advice.)

“Look for someone who will love you unconditionally.” Come to think of it, I’m not sure that anything else is truly love.

“Marry someone who is a better person than you are.” (I did!) Warren takes it even further: “Always associate with people who are better than you.”

“Choose a spouse who believes in you.” And why would you be tempted to marry anyone who doesn’t? I don’t know, but it happens.

I could go one, but you get the point: it’s an important decision. Perhaps the most important of your life. Treat it as such.

Oh, I left out one important criterion: choose someone your pap-pap likes.

 

There Is Something Wrong with This Country. Gravely Wrong.

From my perch, all seems right with the world. We live in a nice house in a nice community — indeed, a community replete with new things and amenities. I want for nothing. We’re near you Vera. You stayed with us twice this past weekend. Being near you and your parents is a blessing unmatched by material things. It makes this place special. Very special.

Yet there is something very wrong, too. Yesterday, the president of the United States tweeted a video in which we takes down CNN. It was a doctored version of an old pro-wresting video when he supposedly body slammed someone to the floor. “The president of the United States of America tweeted this,” I thought. “How did we get to this place?”

This isn’t the first time Mr. Trump has encouraged violence or done something cringeworthy that made himself (and us) look foolish. And utterly out to lunch. And it probably won’t be the last. Nonetheless, it was another stark reminder that something is wrong with this country of ours. Very wrong.

How could anyone think this man is fit for the presidency?

The Republicans had countless options. The number of candidates numbered in the teens. Perhaps none was great, but none was as bad as the one they chose (with the possible exception of one).

I’ve read all the explanations. I get it why people are angry. And cynical. Feeling disenfranchised. And fed up with the status quo. What I don’t get, however, and probably never will, is why anyone thought that putting this man in this office was a prudent and responsible thing to do. Or in our country’s best interest.

My hope is that we’ll get through this presidency without an unmitigated disaster, which basically means a war and people dying (that is, more people than Mr. Trump has already killed in Syria and the Middle East). I have no hope that we’ll get out of it without severe damage to our country.

We’ve already been damaged, and the fallout from that damage will last a generation or more. We deserve it, of course. Decisions have consequences.

I realize it could get worse before it gets better (in the long run, it will get better!). Indeed, I realize that, if we don’t address some of the problems that gave rise to such a man taking power, the next guy (or woman) could be even worse. Much worse: he or she could actually be competent.

Yet I have no reason to believe we’re prepared to address those problems. To the contrary, if Mr. Trump’s policies are enacted fully, those problems will get worse.

Meanwhile, I’m back in my own little utopia. And wondering what, if anything, I can do to make a positive difference in our country. And trying to discern how best to protect myself and my family from the fallout of the next financial crisis.

The chair of the Federal Reserve assured everyone that there wouldn’t be another such crisis in our lifetimes. For some reason, I take no solace in such assurances.

A relative of mine thinks I’m angry about all of this. I don’t feel angry; however, if that’s how it appears, then perhaps I am.

What I feel is sadness, shame, deep disappointment and hope. I see how politicians (Mr. Trump wasn’t the first) successfully employ fear-mongering to advance their personal fortunes and political agendas, and it makes me sad to witness the effectiveness of their ploys. I wonder why people can’t see through it all.

I’m ashamed we as a country have unleashed a man such as Mr. Trump on the world community. They didn’t deserve it.

I’m disappointed that we don’t address some of the issues that have brought us to this place — things like antidemocractic gerrymandering, a political system that is for sale and, indeed, is sold to the highest bidder (campaign finance reform), the out-of-whack distribution of income and wealth brought about by the age of digital technology and global over-supply of labor, and the massive build-up of debt (sovereign and private) throughout the world.

Can this country survive much less thrive without fixing the things that brought us to this precarious ledge? I’m not so sure.

Meanwhile, I’m back in my own little utopia, realizing that our country will never be the same again. The despicable has become the acceptable. The abnormal, normal.

Apparently, anything goes if it’s in furtherance of our quest for “success” and “greatness.” I despair at how those principles have changed since our country was born. I am saddened by our country’s rejection of the teachings of the Nazarene.

I hope things will get better. I hope the world my generation leaves behind for yours, Vera, will be even better than the world we inherited from our parents. I hope you will be free and safe and will be supported by a community and nation that fosters the best within you. I hope you will read a history book and look back to this strange period when American elected a self-absorbed, immature fool to the presidency and yet somehow, in spite of it all, managed not only to survive but also to thrive in the long run.

And, if not — if America’s best days are behind it — then I hope, at the very least, I can help carve out a bit of utopia for you.

Generational Theft

In my lifetime, we have witnessed the greatest intergenerational transfer of wealth ever seen. Seniors have benefited. Our youth have taken it on the chin.

Oddly, even so-called conservatives don’t seem to mind this massive redistribution of wealth. It enjoys broad support. The reasons are obvious; 1) older people vote at a higher rate than young people and 2) people (both voters and their elected representatives) tend to vote their self interest.

Hence, at least thus far, the Boomers and their parents’ generation are doing just fine, the recipients of massive transfers; the youth are massively in debt and on the hook for trillions of obligations owed to what I call the dying generations.

I’m not going to get into the numbers here. If you want to catch a glimpse of them, you can watch this video of renowned investor Stanley Druckenmiller (a former Pittsburgher so he must know what he’s talking about!).

But you shouldn’t have to be convinced. Just think for a moment of the massive transfers that take place in the form of Social Security (people take out far more than they pay in), Medicare, special benefits extended to seniors by state and local governments (e.g., real estate tax breaks) and the less visible countless tax breaks and subsidies that inured mainly to the benefit of the Boomer and their parents’ generations, both in earlier times (education in particular) and now as they age and die.

The result? Continue reading

Calling Out The Charlatan (Installment 1 in the Saga of the Trump Administration)

img_3210I took this photo recently when visiting family in Las Vegas. The building carries the name of the man some (albeit a minority) of my fellow citizens chose to be our new president.

Saturday, in a style reminiscent of communist regimes and the propaganda tactics they so effectively employed, he and his press secretary, Sean Spicer, blatantly lied to America.

Misinformation is a game they play well. Continue reading

Things I Learned in 2016

It’s easier to learn things at your age, Vera, than it is at mine. Everything is new to you. Much less is new to me.

Nonetheless, there are always opportunities to learn new things, regardless of age. In fact, I can’t imagine living without learning. It’s what makes life interesting.

So, as I’m sitting in Starbucks in southern California early this morning, I’m reflecting on what I learned this year. Here are just a few highlights: Continue reading

Christmas Is a Great Time for Choosing How to Live

Whining gets old fast. No one like to be around a whiner.

If I find myself complaining about something, I have to ask myself, then why am I not doing something about it?

No one likes to be around a complainer. Incessant complaining makes for a very sour person. It’s hard to be happy if you’re always complaining.

So one thing I’ve learned over the years, Vera, is either do something about it or shut up. Continue reading

Trump Is So Much Smarter Than So Many Politicians and Academics

Yesterday’s event at Carrier in Indianapolis put me over the top. Well, actually, it wasn’t the event itself, where the president-elect announced he had saved some (but not all) of the jobs that were slated to move to Mexico. Rather, it was the reaction to the announcement by The Wall Street Journal (a Republican media mouthpiece, which hated the deal) and many liberal politicians, economists and talking heads (the people who populate Twitter and TV cable shows). You know something is amiss when the WSJ and liberal academics agree. Continue reading

Irony, Hypocrisy, Flip-Flopping, the Art of Speaking Out of Both Sides of One’s Mouth & Choosing Your Role Models Well

My message to you today, Vera, is simple: choose your role models well. And don’t assume that because someone is an adult or holds a high position they are acceptable.

You’re fortunate: you have two great role models as parents. But not everyone is so fortunate. Indeed, the world is full of people who are hypocritical, flip-flop on a dime if necessary to serve their own selfish interests and routinely speak out of both sides of their mouths.

These are not the kind of people you should embrace as role models. The fact that some people think they’re admirable shouldn’t change that fact. We all have standards. Set yours high.

Here’s a portion of a letter that Steven J. Harper wrote to president-elect Donald Trump (aka Crooked Donald) that demonstrates my point: Continue reading